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Saturday, April 14, 2018

Chickens scare New Yorker

Chick-fil-A scares Dan Piepenbring, a freelance writer in Brooklyn. He believes the Atlanta-based chain of chicken sandwich shops is one long nightmare for the City that Never Sleeps.


Writing in New Yorker magazine, he said, "New York has taken to Chick-fil-A. One of the Manhattan locations estimates that it sells a sandwich every six seconds, and the company has announced plans to open as many as a dozen more storefronts in the city. And yet the brand’s arrival here feels like an infiltration, in no small part because of its pervasive Christian traditionalism. Its headquarters, in Atlanta, is adorned with Bible verses and a statue of Jesus washing a disciple’s feet. Its stores close on Sundays."

It is closed on Sundays? Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

According to Piepenbring, the chicken sandwich shops are tainted with homophobia.

"Its C.E.O., Dan Cathy, has been accused of bigotry for using the company's charitable wing to fund anti-gay causes, including groups that oppose same-sex marriage," Piepenbring wrote.

Wow.

Maybe the secret ingredient in the sandwiches turns gay men straight.

"I noticed that word — community — scattered everywhere in the Fulton Street restaurant. A shelf of children’s books bears a plaque testifying to 'our love for this local community.' The tables are made of reclaimed wood, which creates, according to a Chick-fil-A press release, 'an inviting space to build community.' A blackboard with the header 'Our Community' displays a chalk drawing of the city skyline. Outside, you can glimpse an earlier iteration of that skyline on the building’s fa├žade, which, with two tall, imperious rectangles jutting out, 'gives a subtle impression of the Twin Towers,'" he wrote.

"This emphasis on community, especially in the misguided nod to 9/11, suggests an ulterior motive."

So what is he saying? The owner of the McDonald's off Interstate 77 in Ohio that is a virtual shrine to Woody Hayes has an ulterior motive?

I can only guess what sinister plans McDonald's has, but for Chick-fil-A, again, it must be a secret ingredient that turns gay men straight.

The Chick-fil-A cows really freak him out. Their call for people to "Eat Mor Chikin" has given him a severe case of bovinophobia.

"If the restaurant is a megachurch, the Cows are its ultimate evangelists. Since their introduction in the mid-nineties — when they began advising Atlanta motorists to 'eat mor chikin' — they’ve remained one of the most popular, and most morbid, advertising campaigns in fast-food history, crucial to Chick-fil-A’s corporate culture. S. Truett Cathy, the chain’s founder and Dan Cathy’s late father, saw them as a tool to spread the gospel of chicken," he wrote.

The gospel of chicken? But I thought Jesus ate fish. Lots and lots of fish.

Ad man Stan Richards created the Chick-fil-A cows. Piepenbring quoted his book, "One consumer wrote to tell us the campaign was so effective that every time he sees a field of cows he thinks of chicken. We co-opted an entire species."

The ulterior motive is becoming clearer.

Chick-fil-A doesn't have a secret ingredient that turns gay men straight. It has a far more sinister thing in mind. I have deciphered the coded message from the cows.

"Eat Mor Chikin" means Chick-fil-A wants you to eat more chicken!

No wonder Piepenbring is afraid.

And the subliminal messaging works. After his story was posted, he tweeted, "Welp time to sit down with a Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich and a cold one and read my mentions."

Wendy's? Should I tell him that its founder was pro-life and encouraged people to adopt children?

Nyah. I don't want him to starve.

UPDATE:

28 comments:

  1. Atheists are so paranoid about us trying to establish some kind of theocratic government because of projection. They have driven religion out of the public square and replaced it with their own religions.

    At this point I'm OK with just saying I want a theocracy just to make them shit their pants every now and then.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Doctor!! Swooping to the hoop, ball palmed, for a thunderous jam!!!

      Delete
  2. Pointing out that the original meaning of bogotry was a prejudice against religions other than one's own.

    The word is now being used against people who worship a God rather than themselves, things, the weather or climate, which is no different than worshipping a volcano. You don't see the protestans going down to the Catholic church with placards saying that the pope is a commie idiot with no legitimacy, or Catholics executing protestants for not submitting to dogma and renouncing their heresies.

    No. We have a bunch of shithead atheists shoving secular humanism down the throats of our kids in school and college and then acting like the world is coming to an end because of a joint where people eat chicken.

    Can't get more ridiculous than that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Maybe he still remembers the Seinfeld episodes about the chicken restaurant.

    Bucky

    ReplyDelete
  4. What Piependork did was the same as Rahm Emanuel
    in Chicago did: Gave the chicken chain free advertising.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nothing scarier than Christian chickens! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Is this all it takes to terrify lefties? A chicken sandwich? Who knew?

    ReplyDelete
  7. I do not eat fast food but this New Yorker writer's mental breakdown makes me want to Eat Mor Chikin.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Goodness is what Truett Cathy sold. A restaurant is only as good as the last meal it served.The Christian goodness is an add on. His wealth has always sponsored foster family placement for abandoned children. Not that we need that as the numbers for Drug abuse deaths of young parents skyrocket.

    ReplyDelete
  9. The Frosted Lemonade and Orange Juice are to die for!

    ReplyDelete
  10. When Chik-Fil-A opened their store in Gaithersburg they offered a year's worth of free sandwiches to the first 300 customers. People camped out overnight in the parking lot to get in line. In suave, deboner GBurg. Get over yourselves, New York. Only the uber rich can eat $55 steaks every night. Ya gotta have some grub for the working man too.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I had no idea about the founder of Wendy's. Thanks for sharing! I always liked their spicy chicken sandwich better than McD or BK, but one more reason why.

    And I always eat at Chic-Fil-A. Chicken tastes extra good with a side of a "ha,ha, progressive losers" on it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dave Thomas was adopted.
      By the way, Jack Nicholson also is pro-life. Same reason. He was adopted by his grandparents and his 18-year-old mother was his "sister" till he grew up when they told him.

      Delete
  12. I painfully read the article yesterday. Among other things, the author berated the cows for wanting the death of more chickens. Don sums up the article nicely. If you don’t want to lose yer appetite and want to eat mor chikn, don’t read the full article. that liberalism and New York are full of people like the author is enough to make one lose their appetite.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I just finished a two-day 1,200 mile road trip where I ate a couple of times at Chick-fil-A. Amazing to me how they have consistent quality and value. The fact that they have integrity is a bonus. You have to really stretch to be against what they are for. Just a few weeks ago when the Atlanta airport had the computer meltdown and stranded thousands of passengers there, Chick-fil-A came in on a Sunday and prepared thousands of sandwiches which they donated to those stuck there. They are a class act.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Saw that too, Vette. Chik has probably the largest corporate heart in America today. And I will bet you my mortgage that a whole bunch of Libs lined up for those sandwiches. And then got the sadz for selling out.

      Delete
  14. Danny, he be chicken-livered.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I never ate at Chik-Fil-A till Lefties started denouncing the restaurant chain, LOL.

    Also interesting about the article, at least to me:
    Muslims throw gays, no not even gays--ACCUSED gays-- , off tall buildings? Crickets.
    Christians refuse to shout praises of the gay lifestyle? Hair on fire.
    It's quite a contrast, quite a juggle of conflicting moral issues.
    JimNorCal

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hair on fire??? One of their activists just made himself a blacktivist. Right into charred coal. Of course, it was over environazi issues rather than perversion rights, but still...

      Delete
  16. "Eat Mor Chikin"

    Maybe this particular Chicken Little is afraid he's on the menu now.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I don't like to go to Chick-fil-a that often because the drive-thru is always at least 10 cars deep (but, I know, it's because it's worth it). I always wonder what their hiring process is like because they always get the nicest people.

    Did you read the comments on Nate's Twitter feed? Those morons doubled-down on exactly the point Silver was trying to make: talk about bigots and haters...the two sides are just irreconcilable.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm on my way to Chic-Filet right now!! I love their curly fries and plain chicken sandwich. The first one I ever ate was while I was based at Ft.Bragg, NC back in 1977. It was one of the first Chick-Filet's in the USA and they stilltaste the same!Yum,Yum!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. “must be a secret ingredient that turns gay men straight.”

    Epi-Hen?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Replies
    1. That democrat boycott worked like a boss, didn't it. I knew it wasn't going to work anyway; Chick-fil-a doesn't take EBT, so how could it affect them.

      Delete
    2. Hoss, you couldn't have ended a thread any better. Beast mode.

      Delete